Today has been epically shitty.
It has involved a night of little sleep, a missed nap, a full pint of water being thrown all over a 4 socket extension lead (that was in use might I add), crayon on the walls, biro pen on the coffee table and multiple slaps to the face all administered by a rambunctious, overtired almost 2 year old.
I originally wrote a really moany blog post about how low and alone I was feeling, but then I checked myself before publishing. I forced myself to flick back through photographs of my daughter and slowly my rage dissipated. Yes, she has been a true horror today, but other days she is lovely. So, this post is me forcing myself to remember all of the things that I love about being a mum, on a day when I don’t much care for it.
1 – I love how my child fully accepts me for who I am. She doesn’t judge me when I am still in my PJs at 2pm. She finds it amusing to wobble my belly. She thinks my stretchmarks are scratches and says ‘Oh Dear’, sometimes even giving them a little kiss. She thinks I am great, because she doesn’t know any different.
2 – I love it when she learns new things. Yesterday it was ‘all better’ when she wiped some stray mascara off my cheek. It was adorable. She is learning something new everyday and it is truly amazing to see.
3 – I love watching her with her Dad. The way she looks up at him melts even my grumpy icy heart. I imagine to Isabelle, Joe is a giant at 6’4. She looks truly tiny in his arms, I have a favourite photo of her at 1 day old being cradled by Joe. I cant post it because he hates it and thinks he looks ridiculous, but I adore it.
4 – I love watching her as she notices things. I know that sounds strange, but when she notices something in real life that she has only ever seen in books or on TV it is incredible seeing her little face light up and make the connection. She even shouts ‘LOOK MUMMY!!’ these days, adorable.
5 – I love how much I love her. Don’t get me wrong, some days I don’t necessarily like her, but I always love her. Today I haven’t liked her much at all. I feel like I have been cross and short and just plain grumpy with her (partly justified after her actions might I add), but it isn’t a nice feeling. It is ridiculous that a 2 year old can drive that much to the edge of despair, but it is equally ridiculous how much I can love her at the same time. I love her crazy curly hair and how sweaty it gets after her nap. I love her tiny toes. I love her pot belly. I love her pouty mouth. I love her tiny beauty spot freckle above her top lip. I love the way she says ‘mummy’. I love the way she says ‘alright mate!’ after copying Joe say it to a stranger we walked past. I love how she says ‘Hello!’ to EVERYONE we encounter and I love how it doesn’t discourage her when people don’t say it back (grumpy arseholes).
Obviously there are a million other things I could list, but these are probably my top 5. Got to go, someone is shouting ‘mummy’ through the baby monitor and I need to go and tell her that tomorrow we will have a fresh start and be best buds again.