Shall I get myself a ‘little job’?

So I was meandering around the supermarket recently, when I saw someone I recognised. He is the dad of a girl I was quite good friends with at school, we were friends up until we finished school so it has been at least 8 years or so since I saw her or her parents.

He started by telling me all about the wonderful achievements of his daughter, her boyfriend, her degree etc which is fine. Parents are proud people, I get that. But the conversation (not sure if I can even call it that) eventually took a distinctly more ‘arseholey’ turn. He didn’t once acknowledge my daughter, which I find a bit strange. Last time I saw him I didn’t have a child, now I do. You would at least acknowledge it right? Wrong. He didn’t even respond to her when she tried to talk to him. Things moved on to eventually him asking me what I’m doing, to which I nodded towards Isabelle and explained that for now I lucky enough to be able to afford to stay home with her and so that is what I am doing.

His face dropped. He frowned, he rubbed his hands together.

‘Ooh but do you not want to get yourself a little job?’.

I said nothing.

‘It can’t be nice being reliant on your fella, having to ask him for money if you want a haircut or a new dress’

I said nothing.

‘Don’t you just need a little something don’t you so that you feel like you’re contributing and using your brain? My Jane (not her real name) always worked. It’s not good to sit in all day with the kids. Have another one now so that she’s got someone to play with and then get yourself straight back to work at a café or a shop or something. Jane’s working in xyz shop at the moment and really enjoying it’.


I have spoken before about thinking about returning to work. It is so that I can use my brain again, but there is no doubt in my mind that I already contribute to the wellbeing of my family. I don’t have to ask for money for a haircut or a dress (that pissed me off) as my husband and I are equals. We share things.

I resent the implication that I need to get a job to keep my poor idle little feminine hands busy. His daughter might be doing amazing at work, has got some incredible qualifications and an excellent social life, I’m genuinely happy for her. But that doesn’t mean that is the life that I want. I’ve always wanted to settle down, have a family and be a mother. I do question my sanity sometimes, I question my decision to stay home when I haven’t spoken to another adult in days but it’s nobody elses place to tell me this.

Am I just being oversensitive? Or was this really not ok?


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6 thoughts on “Shall I get myself a ‘little job’?

  1. Infuriating. I’m at the stage of my maternity leave where I’m trying to work out if we can afford for me to stay off of work for a few years. It’s hard to make the decision but hopefully I’ll be able to. Next time you see him, just tell him that he’s an asshole.

  2. This is not you being oversensitive, this is him being insensitive. What a horrible thing to say! I find staying home all day with little ones can actually be much more demanding than a job anyway – it’s certainly not like you’re doing nothing. It should be entirely your choice whether you stay home or not – and as for ‘have another one now so she has someone to play with’ who on earth says that?! A very rude person is who. You stick to your guns – don’t listen to people like him 😒

  3. I have been a stay at home mum ever since i had my child. And i had him right after my marriage so i have never worked. So basically my husband works and i take care of the house and the child and i dont find it demeaning at all. Youre doing what youre comfortable with. My husband transfers a specific amount for my own self every month. For a hair cut, for an impromptu manicure craving. And for the rest of the things we use a joint account.
    Us mums are always under the spotlight. To work or not to work is always someone elses business. I’d say, throw some cash in the air beyonce style next time you see him.

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